


Relief Next To Me

by charleighxo



Category: Scandal (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-02 04:25:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4045861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charleighxo/pseuds/charleighxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia writes a letter to Fitz ten months after he cut her out of his life, after the truth about Defiance comes out. AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing anything for Scandal, so take it easy on me.

Dear Fitz,

It's been ten months, ten long hard months since the last time you've spoken to me. You cut me completely off, said that I meant nothing to you, but away to relieve your sexual needs. You cut to me deep over a mistake that I made and you wouldn't even hear me out, not even to get my side of things. You humiliated and degraded me in away that nobody has ever done before and nobody will ever do again. For a long time I blamed myself, that it was my fault, that I deserve every harsh, mean, and nasty thing that you said and did to me. But what I've come to realize is that no, I didn't deserve it! I never have and I never will deserve to be treated that way by any man. Especially one that claimed to have loved me. The sad thing is that I allowed it to happen because I loved you and thought that you loved me. How wrong was I? Huh?

You talk this big game about how I'm the love of your life! And all you wanted was me and Vermont. That love allows for forgiveness. But I guess that only applies when it's you that fucks up. You have hurt me on more then one occasion and I have always been able to over look it. To reason with it, justify it, then excuse it. But I can no longer justify your actions, I can no longer look past them. The excuse of I love you no longer holds any weight behind it anymore. Now don't get me wrong and think that I am placing all of the blame on you, because I promise you that I'm not. I take full responsibility for my part in our demise. I know have done my share of wrong doings and I hold no one but myself accountable for those actions. I know that some of my action have hurt you and for that I truly apologize because it has never been my intention to hurt you. I know that you may not believe me and that's okay too. But I do want you you to know that I have forgiven you for every horrible thing that you have ever done to me. I will never forget it but, I do forgive you.I don't regret our time together but I would change somethings about it. I would defiantly change how it ended but, that's neither here nor there.

These last ten months have been hard without you, but I've learned how to deal, how to live, and how to love myself again. I did a lot of self-discovery over these last few months and I've learned that you do not define me and you do not own me. I do not belong to you, just as you don't belong to me. You never have and you never will and I have finally come to terms with that and I'm okay with it. I have learned that I am the only one that can define me and I absolutely love that. I love that when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, I finally like what I see looking back. I like who I am without you, without the shame that I wore as if it was a badge of honor. I was digested with myself, I no longer knew who I was when I was with you. So with pride I can now say that I am happy without you. I never thought I would say that, but it's true I'm happy without you. I don't think you know the relief I feel now that I can say that and actually mean it. Now, I in no way mean to hurt you, that has never been my intention and its still isn't. My only intention is to be honest. And with that honesty might come some harsh realities.

You have always made it apparent that I run when things get hard. That all I ever had to say was the word and you would give everything up for me. And for a long time I have lived with the fact that maybe it was my fault that we aren't together. But as of recent events I have come to the conclusion that no, my actions did not alone factor in to our problems. Because honestly if you really loved me and wanted to be with me, you would have maned up along time ago and divorced your wife. If you would have had the balls to do that then maybe Vermont would be a reality instead of distant memory. You use the fact that I run when things get tough as an excuse. You use the fact that I would never let you quit as an excuse. But that's all they are, EXCUSES! Because if I was what you wanted, what you really and truly wanted, no matter I said or did you would have done anything to be me. You would have DIVORCED your wife.

I actually find it funny that Mellie has lied to for years about numerous things, yet you refuse to do anything about it. But I lie to you about one thing and you get rid of me like yesterday's trash. I didn't even lie to you it was more like omission of some important facts, but you have actually lied to my face. I just don't get it, you don't love Mellie yet you keep her around, but you love me and throw me away. I guess that in itself speaks some cold hard truths that I was too blind to see. But I don't blame you not really, because I knew what I was getting myself into when I start a relationship with a married. I knew that you would never leave your wife for me. Because it was apparent from the start that you two didn't love each other, yet you were still together. So if you would divorce her when she made you so miserable, what made me think that you would divorce her to be with me. I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part.

I want you to know that I don't hate you, even though you seem to hate me. I hold no resentment towards you in the less little bit. Though it may seem that way. I want you to be happy and I wish you well. I hope that one that you can forgive me, but I won't hold my breathe. I love you and I always will love you but we weren't meant to be and that's okay. Maybe in another time or place.

Love,

Olivia


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz's reaction to the letter he received from Olivia.

_**Fitz POV** _

Fitz sat behind his desk in utter shock at the letter that he had received from Olivia. He had read it over ten times but had yet to come to any type of conclusion. His mind race a million miles per minute trying to make sense of what he was reading and feeling, complete and utter loss. He was finally seeing the error of his ways realizing what he had actually done and the true damage he caused. She thought that he hated her that alone was enough to make him want to cry. She was everything to him even when he was so uncontrollably pissed at her and hurt by her actions he still loved her. And it was time that he made sure that she was aware of this fact and that she never forgot it either.

All of the anger, resentment, and betrayal washed away and the only thing that was left was the feeling of hurt. Hurt at the fact the she could do lie to him, that she never believed in him. Hurt at the fact he was so miserable without her, that he never once gave her a chance to explain her actions to him. That he had never gotten her side of things because like always he acted before thinking and flew off the handle. But the greatest feeling of all the he felt was loss. That he had possibly lost the love his life had no one to blame but himself. And that hurt the most of all. He suddenly felt tired, so very tired.

Fitz had to figure out the course of action that he needed to take. Realizing that each passing second, he was losing precious time in making things right with Olivia. Knowing that whatever course that he took, it would allow no room for regrets or mistake. Fore he knew Olivia and although she may have forgiven him does not mean that she'll jump at the chance to get back with him.

His first of course action was the whole Mellie situation and knowing the only solution would be to divorce her, and that would not be an easy feat. Because there is no way that Olivia would be willing to even consider thinking about giving him a second, scratch that, this would be his third and possibly final change and that's only if he was completely single.

Picking up his phone using a secure line he called a mutual and trusted friend between him Olivia, Sophia Chang a well-known and respected divorce lawyer. She owed him a favor anyways and what better way to repay it then a quick and private divorce. After finishing his conversation with Sophia it was now time to take his next course of action was getting in contact with her. He had to let her know that he never hated her, he was just so angry and hurt that he lashed out without thought. With this thought fresh in his head he picked his pen and began to write a letter of his own to Olivia, knowing that this would be the best course of action for them to starting communicating again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split this into two separate pieces this first part is Fitz's reaction and the next chapter will be his response back. I hope you enjoy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz's letter to Olivia.

_Dear Olivia,_

_I was in complete shock when I received your letter and if I'm being honest I still am. I can't believe that it's been ten months since the last time I've seen your face or heard your voice. I miss you Olivia, so much._

_I owe you one of the biggest apologies ever. I am so sorry for the way that I have treated you. No matter what you did, you never have and never will deserve me talking to you in the manner that I have. I had no right to disrespect you or call you out of your name. I made you feel worthless and for that I will never forgive myself._

_You were absolutely right when you said that I never gave you the chance to explain your side of what happened. I owed it to you then and I owe it to you now. I have been unfair to and I'm starting to realize that this wasn't the first time that I have demanded things of you but not had the decency to show you the same level of respect._

_I think my heart actually broke when I found out about Defiance. I don't know if it was from the fact that you lied to me or that you didn't believe in me. The level of betrayal and pain I felt at that moment was like nothing I had ever felt before. And I wanted you to feel that same thing that I was. I wanted you to know what it felt like to be betrayed by the person that you love and trusted the most. But as I sit back and reflect I realize that I could, no should have handled that situation entirely different way than in the manner than I did. I am appalled and repulsed with my actions, that I find it hard to believe that you have forgiven me, because I do not deserve your forgiveness._

_There is a conversation that we need to have; we need to lay everything on the table. It has been put on hold for far too long; we have hidden from this for long enough. We need to be honest with each other but it has to be done without either one of us losing control. I feel that it is the only way for us truly to begin to heal. I lost ten months of you being in my life because I was too stubborn and prideful to have this conversation. I absolutely refuse to lose another ten months or longer without in my life._

_I placed you on a pedestal when I shouldn't have. I demand things of you that I had absolutely no right to do. I asked you to be faithful to me, for me to be the only man in your life, when I couldn't even make you the only woman in my life. I demanded that you respected me when I couldn't even respect you. I am truly ashamed of my actions towards you, I tried to force you to do something that was forcing you to compromise your belief, self-worth, and integrity for me. And when you make the tough decision to walk away, I blamed you for my short comings and for that I apologize._

_Love does allow forgiveness, but my pride and temper made me lose sight of that. It was unfair of me to expect you to forgive me for my wrong doings, but to cast you aside for yours. And make no mistake I do LOVE YOU, although I haven't been doing such a great job of showing you. I could never hate you Olivia and the fact that you believe that I do, is slowly killing me._

_I have been coward. I have blamed you for my actions and choices for far too long. It is not solely your fault that we are not together. You did not force me keep running for president, I kept running because I wanted to be president even though I know that we wouldn't be able to be together if I was to win. I should have manned up a long time ago and divorced Mellie. You were absolutely right I am a grown man and no one can make decisions for me but me. Yet I continue to blame you, when it is I who was in the wrong I blamed my actions on you and that was wrong of me. I understand now that your decision to walk away was not because you didn't love me, it was because you loved me and yet I couldn't give you what you wanted and needed, me to be single and free to be with you, without it having to be only stolen moments. I never showed you that you meant more to then being a secret. I placed the weight of the world on you, and didn't even help to carry the load. The fool I have been._

_To hear that you have found happiness without me is like a kick to the stomach, it stung because I'm miserable without you. You were able to find yourself, while I completely lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore; I have become this bitter and angry person that I don't know. I lost my light at the end of the tunnel and it's becoming harder and harder to find it again. Your letter was awake up call for me Olivia. I need to work on myself so I can once again recognize the man in the mirror staring back at me._

_I miss you Olivia and I love you so much it hurts. I hope that I haven't lost you forever; the thought of never getting to being with you again scares me. I'm so afraid that you no longer hold a place for me in your life. That thought alone is unbearable and heartbreaking. I need you in my life, it is no longer just a want Olivia, I need you. I know you don't believe me but I do love you. Tell me there's still of a chance for us._

_Fitz_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So he's realizing his mistakes, owning up, and apologizing. Wonder what Olivia is going to think and feel. Does he still have a chance? What do you think? Thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcome. xo char


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's POV to the letter Fitz wrote her back.

**Olivia'a POV**

To say Olivia was relieved would be the understatement of the year. She didn't know how well her letter to Fitz would be received but it something that she had to do, she had been holding onto all of that for far too long. She had written and destroyed that letter way too many time to count. Fighting endless with herself about whether or not to send that letter was no easy feat. The repercussion of that letter could cause Fitz to hate her more then he already does, but it was a consequence that Olivia had finally deem worth it.

She had written that letter more than three months ago, yet had only found the courage to go through it a month ago and get the nerve to have it delivered to him by Tom only a mere two weeks ago. Although on the outside she appeared calm on the inside she was bundle of nerves. She may have been happy without him, but that didn't mean she didn't want him to be a part of that happiness. Forgiving him had been one of the hardest things she had ever had to do and it can with an even heavier price for her. Because she had to completely lose herself before she could even remotely begin to think about forgiving him.

In forgiving him she had to admit that she didn't know him quite as well as she thought she did if not at all. It made everything that had ever happened between a lie and that realization nearly killed her. Knowing she compromised her beliefs, ethics, and principle for a lie left her completely numb and utterly lost. It took time but she learned to live with it, it doesn't hurt the way it use too.

She wants him in her life; now don't get it wrong just because she has forgiven him doesn't mean that she has forgotten. Trust and believe she hasn't and never will. The faith and trust that she had managed to have in him even after he slept with some else has completely been destroyed. His words been nothing to her at the moment and she doesn't know if they ever should have in the beginning either. But she stills loves and wants him and trust can always be gained again on both sides.

Olivia was thrown completely off when Tom gave her the letter that Fitz had written her. It took her nearly three days to open it, from the fear of what she might find inside. Her mind ran rampant with the thoughts of him tell her that he never wanted to see her again or the even never loved and he never would. With her heart beating wildly out of her chest she finally opens Fitz letter. And the relief that she once felt freezes dead center in her heart.

She wants to believe him but it is just not within her to do, his apologizes have little meaning to her. The declarations of love do nothing to erase the doubt in her mind and heart. They are all just pretty words that she has no use for. And that causes confusion to set in because she loves and misses him with every fiber of her being, but his letter just drives in the fact that she shouldn't have trusted him. Him stating his wrong doings and what he should have done only makes the pain that more real and prominent.

For him to finally acknowledge that he wanted to be president more then he wanted to be with her hurts more than she cares to admit. That he willing stayed with his wife even though he didn't love her leaves her feeling sick to the stomach. The fact that he didn't respect her in the way that she did him, chips away at her leaving a feeling of dread. That if he didn't respect her then surely she didn't respect herself, because she kept coming back for more.

Olivia doesn't even realize that she has started crying until the first tear hits the page. If she thought her heart was broken before its completely shattered now. She thought she knew what she wanted before but now she's not so sure if she wants him in her life anymore. Someone who could consciously hurt her for their own selfish gain will never mean her any good. Because you don't hurt the people you love, especially on purpose that's not love.

She knows that they need have a conversation face to face but she not ready for that, if she ever will be. The things that she forgave him for don't even matter anymore, for what this letter has reveal has left little to be desired. For the first time in her life she doesn't know if she will ever be able to forgive him and that scares her. He's not the man she thought he was and that has truly shocked her to her core.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Olivia isn't too happy with Fitz anymore, she feels betrayed and like she doesn't know him. What do you think? Thanks for reading. Reviews are always welcome. xo char


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's letter to Fitz and its not looking to for Fitz at this point.

_Fitzgerald,_

_I was surprise to receive your letter; I surely thought that you had washed your hands of me. I have read your letter on numerous occasions trying to figure out what my next course of action should be. It's almost been a month since I received your letter and I finally have a reply for you._

_When I first read your letter I was so hurt and confused that I literally cried myself to sleep for a week. I could not work my mind around the fact that you were so willing to hurt me because you were hurt by something you were told I did without hearing my side of the story first. I am so utterly disappointed in you Fitzgerald. The sadness wore off, and then the unadulterated rage took over. I have never been so angry at someone before in my life. You are not the man that I thought you were, the man that I loved, because he would have never maliciously hurt me or anyone for that matter to make himself feel better._

_Then the anger left and for the first when it comes to you and me I was left with a feeling of regret. I regretted our entire affair, because it surely wasn't a relationship, it was a dirty secret that I wholeheartedly regret. I realize that we don't know each other we know things about each other but not each other. Because if you knew and respected me you would have never chased me while you had a wife, you would have known that I am worth more than stolen moments with a married man. It's okay though because I obviously didn't respect myself enough not to be with a married man. The only married man I should ever be with is my husband not some other woman's husband._

_I appreciate you apologizing to me but I cannot at this moment in time accept it, Fitzgerald I do not forgive you for hurt and pain that you put through but one day I will and I look forward to that day, I really do._

_We do need to have a face to face conversation but I am not ready to be in the same room as you, I can't handle that right now. But don't fear we will have that conversation, because it is the only way that we can truly heal. I don't hate you and I don't think I ever will, I just don't like you very much at the moment._

_You asked if I thought there was still a chance for us. At this present time I'm sorry to say that, no, Fitzgerald there isn't. I don't trust you and I don't know that I ever will be able to again. I need time to recover from the pain that our affair has brought and before I can think of opening my heart up to you again I need some time to heal on my own. I think that will do us both some good, we need to heal on our own before we can begin to heal together._

_Olivia_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Reviews are always welcome. xo char


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz's POV. So this chapter was different from the others. I decided to include flashbacks of his conversation with Mellie and the kids about the divorce. I don't really know how I feel about it though. Its also the longest chapter so far. I hope you enjoy it. Tell me what you think. xo char

**Fitz's POV**

Fitz felt as if his world had fallen apart when he read Olivia's letter. The fact that she didn't see them being together again was devastating and he couldn't keep the tears from falling. He didn't even feel mad just a profound sadness, but the more times he read it the more he understood. And with this new found understanding the hope began to grow because there was still a chance for them just not at this moment and while it sucked he understood.

Olivia was absolutely right they didn't know each other. They knew each other on an intimate level but not a very personal one. And that was something that needs to change. He couldn't believe that he hadn't realized until Olivia pointed it out. She knows way more about him than he knows about her and that is just unacceptable. He needs to rectify this if he wants a future with her.

Realizing how he has been neglecting the woman he loves doesn't sit very well him and it's all starting to make sense to him. Olivia doesn't trust him because he never took the time to get to know her on a personal level he knows the surface stuff but he doesn't know the depth behind the woman. Now that he has been faced with this he wants to know everything about her and wants her to know everything about him.

He knows that they have alone ways to go but he can't help but be hopeful that they will end up together. Because in his heart of hearts he knows that she will be his bride one day and that thought alone makes his heart feel lighter than it has in years. With his spirits now lift he sets out to make sure that his house is in order, the way it needs to be in order for him to win Olivia back.

As he sit back in his chair he thinks over what the past month has been like and how it's only going to get better. Fitz lets out a large sigh as he thinks back over the conversation that he had with Mellie and Cyrus when they found out he had filed for divorce.

**Flashback**

_Fitz had just gotten off the phone with his lawyer, Sophia Chang, when Cyrus and Mellie came busting into his office. Sighing Fitz thinks to himself that he really needs a vacation. Looking up at the pair Fitz can't help but to let out a laugh at the two fools currently invading his personal space. They both look like to lobsters just waiting to explode._

_"What the hell where you thinking Fitz, when you had divorce paper drawn up. Have you lost your mind? There is no way that I'm signing those damn papers Fitzgerald. We are not getting a divorce and that's final" Mellie all but screeched out at Fitz. Her anger skyrocketing when Fitz chuckled after she stop talking._

_"Of course he wasn't thinking Mellie when does Fitz ever thinks before he does something this stupid. This is just another one of his fits that he has every now and again. He's not going to divorce you Mellie, I don't even know why you're all worked up" Cyrus countered looking as more relaxed then before as if he has it all figure out._

_There will be no divorce as long he is president and considering he's going to be doing a second term. You have nothing to worry Mellie. Fitz isn't stupid enough to actually go through with this whole divorce nonsense because I won't allow it to happen. So Fitz, whatever you were thinking you need to get over it, because we have more important and serious things to worry about." Cyrus finished with a shock of his. It's dealing with a child when it comes to him. Cyrus mutters to himself._

_"You're damn right that we're not getting divorced. Fitz honey, I don't know how many time we have to have this conversation but you need to put the bottle down. Its making you do crazy sweetie because you were obviously drunk when you had those paper drawn up. I absolutely refuse to divorce you it's not happening so get those thoughts right out of your pretty little silly head Fitz." Mellie stated in a falsely sweet voice._

_She was just about to open the door and leave when Fitz finally let out a cold and menacing laugh that made her stop dead in her tracks sending a cold chill down her spine. Slowly turning around and look at him she see a look on his face that she's never seen before and it's slightly terrifying. Casting a glance at Cyrus she sees him pale as the smirk slides off his face._

_As Fitz sat there listening to what Cyrus and Mellie had to say he realize just how out of touch he had been. The one person that always had his back and had been on his side he had casted aside and left the snakes to play in his garden. They didn't respect him and they surely didn't take him serious, but that was all about to change. They thought they were running the show, when in fact they were just mere pieces on the board game and their time had just run out._

_"I don't know what you two think this is, but I'm going to tell you what it is. Cyrus you don't run anything nor do you have the power to allow me to do or not do anything. I have put up with you for the last three years telling me I can and cannot do. And I realize my mistake now I let you dictate my life and I did everything you said that I should, but that stops today. Fitz states in calm manner taking joy in the way that Cyrus' face continues to pale with each sentence._

_Since you have forgotten your place let me remind you of it; you are MY chief of staff. You are NOT the president, you do NOT tell me what to do, and you do NOT make decision for me. I am the President not you chief of staff or your puppet. You are not the puppet master I am. Your loyalties lay at my feet not Mellie's but that's where they have been since the campaign and that just won't do. So as of today you are no longer my chief of staff, effective immediately you are relieved of your duties. Tom please escort Mr. Beene to his office, I want you gone by the end of the day Cyrus." He finishes off never once having raised his voiced but letting it be known that he meant business._

_"Mellie, Mellie, Mellie quite frankly I'm tired of you and this situation. I'm tired of hearing about how you claim to have given up everything for me. How you had children for me. Tired of you thinking you control me it's actually pretty sad and pathetic when you really and truly think about it. You gave up her life for a man that was never in love with you in the first place. You gave all of your dreams to be what miserable for the rest of your life. How are you happy with that and are you fighting so hard to hang onto it. You don't love me Mellie and you never have so why stay with me when you could be with some you love and someone who truly loves you. Aren't you tired too Mellie because I'm tired of being miserable for the sake of other people, especially when they get to be happy. Fitz says taking Mellie completely by surprise that for once she's speechless._

_I know you think that I hate you Mellie but I don't, I care about you, but I'm not in love with you. You were once my best friend and I will always love you because you have given me three amazing children. But it's time to honest and cut our losses. We use to be a team and now we can barely stand to be in the same room as one another. So when is enough going to be enough?_

_I don't want our kids to think that they have to marry someone that they aren't in love with or that they have to stay with them to keep up appearances like we have. I want better for them and I know you do too._

_So whether you like it or not Melody we will be getting a divorce and it would be best for everyone involved if you didn't try and fight the inevitable. Because we both deserve better than what we both have had._

_Mellie stood completely still as she listened to Fitz, to say she was surprise would be a lie. But she absolutely refuse that he was doing this because it was for the best as he claimed. No that bastard thought she stupid but he had another thing coming if he thought she was going to quietly. She knew only one thing that could make him want a divorce. And she'd be damned if the home wrecking whore was going to take what was rightfully hers. She could feel her blood boil she wouldn't not just be tossed aside._

_"Fitzgerald you really have lost whatever piece of mind that you had if you for one second think that I'm giving you a divorce. I have worked too hard and gave one to many things to get us to point and if you think I'm going to give up on what's mines you better think again._

_This has Olivia's name written all over it. So she must finally be taking to you again. Well let me tell you what's going to happen you're going to stop this now. Put an end to Fitzgerald before I have to._

_Because your WHORE is not going to take what I have worked for and you that slut got another thing coming if you think I'm just going to walk away without a fight. I will ruin the both of you. Mellie spat out._

_"ENOUGH MELLIE, I have tried to be nice to you, I try to talk to you as if you have sense but I see you that you don't. So let me tell you what's going to happen._

_We will be getting divorced whether you like it or not and I will receive full custody of the kids. I'm not playing this game with you Melody. I will get this divorce one another it's going to happen._

_And if you ever refer to Olivia as anything other than her name, well trust me you don't even want to know what I'm going to do you._

_You can try and leak the fact the cheated on and play the scorned wife if you want too. But just know if you do I will burn your entire world down. Because I'm sure the public will understand me cheating and falling in love with another woman when the realize all of the emotion pain I have been through with you._

_How you have been cheating and lying to me since before we even married. How you were in a relationship with my father that continue the first five years of our marriage. How the only person my wife can seem to keep her legs to closed to, is her poor unsuspecting husband. Who had no clue of his wife's infidelity until his campaign manager and close friend, The Formidable Olivia Pope, told him during the trail. And they happen to fall in love while she was there for him during his time of need. I can see now the media of tear you apart, that the poor innocent and scorned wife isn't so innocent after all._

_Mellie's face was completely pale by the time Fitz had finished talking. She had no clue how he know all of that but the fact that he did was unsettling and she could tell that he wouldn't hesitate to destroy her publically if given the change. At that moment she knew it was over and she had no cards left to play if she wanted to keep her reputation intact._

_So Mellie sign the damn papers and honey, don't look so surprised I told you not to cross me along time age. Because believe me I know all your dirty secrets and I have no problem revealing them all to get what I want." Fitz finished off with a sly grin forming on his face as he took in Mellie. Knowing that she had come back and no cards left to play._

_"Fine, I'll sign the damn papers you rat bastard!" Mellie shouted before storming out of Fitz's office._

Fitz sighed at lease that was two less problems to worry about. Now he could finally focus all of his time on his administration, his kids, and getting Olivia back. He no longer had to worry about people going behinds his back, he could finally trust the people on his personal staff to fully have his back and for that he was thankful.

After his discussion with Mellie and Cyrus he cleared his schedule for remainder of the day and spent it with Karen and Gerry. He wanted to be the one to tell them about the divorce because he knew if Mellie talked to them first she would lonely spread lies and they deserved the truth.

Fitz couldn't help but smile as he recalled the conversation that took place and now that everything was on the table, his relationship with them had never been better.

**Flashback**

_"Lauren!" Fitz called out after Mellie stormed out of the door, rubbing his temples where a slight headache was forming._

_"Yes Sir?" Lauren answered as she enter the rooms._

_"Clear my schedule for the rest of the day. I don't want to bother unless it's a matter of national security." Fitz exclaim as he stood from his chair walking towards his private entrance to the Oval office._

_"Yes sir, right on it." Lauren turned to exit the room when Fitz stopped her. "And let Tom known I'm heading to the residence." Fitz stated as he loosen the tie around his neck. "And some Advil please and thank you."_

_"Yes, Mr. President I'll have Tom right on it." Lauren answered as she exited the room._

_Fitz sighed as he wondered how this conversation would go. He prayed that there wouldn't be any more shouting. He didn't think he could take much more. Especially, after having just dealt with Mellie and her antics his head was screaming._

_"Here's your Advil Mr. President." Lauren stated as she reentered the room. "Thank you Lauren, I appreciate it and why don't you take the rest of the night off too and thing of importance has been done. I'm just hanging with the kids, so go head on and take off." He said as he popped the pills in his mouth, sighing with relief as he could already feel the effects and the pressure in his head releasing slightly._

_"Yes sir and thank you sir. Goodnight!"_

_Fitz and Tom slowly made his way towards the resident hoping that the kids would be in a good mood. Because, they were about to have a tough conversation that was long overdue and he still didn't want to have it._

_"Hi dad, what are you doing up here this early?" Gerry asked when he saw his father walking in to the living room after have noticed it was still pretty early in the day._

_"Hey bud, I decided to call it early today. How about going and getting your sister, I have something really important to discuss with the two of you."_

_"Okay, is everything alright dad?"_

_"Yeah bud everything's fine." Fitz answered. Shrugging his shoulder Gerry got up to get Karen from her room, while Fitz had Tom go and get them a pizza for dinner._

_"Hey dad what's up?" Karen exclaimed as she and Gerry entered the room._

_"Nothing I just need to talk to you two thats all I promise."_

_"What about dad?" Karen and Gerry said at the same time causing Fitz to chuckle._

_"Let's sit down and talk." Fitz said walking over to the sofa. "Also I had Tom go and get us an pizza dinner."_

_"Come on dad, really what's going on?" Gerry asked._

_"Well your mom and I have decided that it would be for the best if we divorced."_

_"WHAT? Why would you decided to do that? And who exactly would it be the best for?" Karen exclaimed. "I thought you guys were happy. Why are you doings this? I can't believe you guys are doing this us?" Karen added with tears streaming down her face._

_"Karen you have to realize that this has nothing to do with you or Gerry. And in no way does this affect the way that your mother and I feel about you. We just feel that this is best thing for everyone. We haven't been happy with each other for a while, so think going our separates ways is the only thing to do." Fitz tried explaining to Karen, noticing that Gerry had been quiet so far._

_"Gerry, what are thinking over there bud, you've been pretty quiet? How are you feeling?"_

_"I don't really don't know how I'm feeling. I mean I'm really confused at the moment because on one hand I'm actually sort of happy, but then on the other I'm sad. You guys are my parents and of course no one really wants for their parents to split up, but I know that you guys haven't really been happy since like ever._

_So yeah I'm bombed but I'm happier about the situation than anything else." Gerry lets out with a shrug of his shoulders. And Fitz can hear the honesty in his words and see it clear as day on his face._

_"How can you say that Ger? This is not a happy occasion and of course mom and dad love each other. What are you even talking about Gerry? Yeah they fight so what, that doesn't mean that they don't love each other and that they weren't happy." Karen stated before running out of the room, causing Fitz to let out a shaky breath before turning his sight back on Gerry._

_"See that's another reason why I'm feeling so conflicted. I knew that Karen was going to take it hard because for some reason she lives in this fantasy world were you and mom actually love each other and get along._

_And it's so stupid because even a blind person could see that you mom don't love each other, you can barely stand to be in the same room together. I know that ya'll love each other or at least remotely like the other but you're not in love and that's okay because I don't think that you have ever been._

_I just wish that this wasn't going to be so hard on Karen." Gerry finished off surprising Fitz with how accurate Gerry was._

_"When did you get so smart Gerry, I'm proud of you bud. And don't feel bad about being happy about the divorce because it was long time coming. Don't worry about Karen either I'll deal with her."_

_"So dad did you both really decide or did you ask mom for a divorce?" Gerry asked with a smirk on his face already knowing the answer to the question. But he just couldn't resist asking anyways._

_"I'm going to talk to your sister." Fitz said while shaking his head and letting out a small laugh at Gerry's question._

_Slowly making his way up the stairs Fitz wonders how he's going to handle this conversation with Karen. He knew it wasn't going to be easy from the get go, but he had no idea that Karen was completely clueless to the chaos that was his marriage. In a way he's happy though because it means he's done his job as parent separated her from complete turmoil that is him and Mellie._

_Knocking on the door he finds Karen across her bed silently crying. He makes his way over to her and pulls into a bone crushing hug and lets her get all of her emotions out, while rubbing her hair in a soothing motion and tell her it's all going to be okay._

_"Kare I know that this hard for you at the moment but I need for you to know that this has nothing to do with you and your brother. It's in no way your fault that our marriage didn't work that's on your mother and me. We love you guys and that's never going to change." He whispers in her quietly in her ear._

_"But why daddy, I don't understand I thought you guys were happy? How can you just all of a sudden want to get a divorce? It just doesn't make any sense daddy."_

_Fitz had no clue how he was going to explain this to her without getting to far into detail. Struggling for a couple more seconds Fitz finally responded to his daughter's questions._

_"Karen I know that this may come as a shock to you but your mother and I haven't been happy with each for a long time now. And although it might seem like it's all of a sudden to you Kare it's been a long time coming. We have tried and tried to make this marriage work Karen but it's just not in the cards for your mother and me. And I'm so sorry that this is hurting you and it was never our intention to you hurt any of you. But believe me Karen, your mother and I will always love you and your brothers and although we may not be in love with each other anymore it will never change the way we feel about you guys"_

_Fitz let out a sigh knowing that he as failing big time with trying to explain this Karen without just telling her he has never loved Mellie and he never will. That if it wasn't for her, Gerry, and Teddy he would have been left and never looked back. He only stayed with Mellie because they had kids not because he loved her. But knowing he could never tell her that because it would break her heart. Its times like this that he wished Olivia were here, she would defiantly know how to explain this._

_"Karen look at me, come on baby girl look at me and listen closely. I. LOVE. YOU. This divorce has absolutely nothing to do with you. Your brother and you did not cause this to happen. And you have every right to be mas and upset about. I want you to know that it's well with in your right to feel however you feel. But I want for you talk to him and tell whatever you're feeling so I can help you work through it. I know that this is going to be hard and a lot of big changes are going to be taking place in your life in a short span of time, but I'm here for Karen and you can talk to me when ever want and need because I'm not going anywhere._

_So can you promise me that no matter how mad, hurt, or upset you are with me that you will talk to me? And in return I promise to talk to you and we can help each other heal and deal throughout this whole ordeal."_

_"Okay daddy, I can't promise that it will be easy and that I'm going to get it right every time. But I promise that I will try my hardest daddy. I do understand that it's not my fault or Gerry and Teddy's fault either. I know that you and mom haven't been happy even since before you became president and Teddy was born. I just always thought that you guys would be together forever._

_And I'm not mad at you or mom I'm just disappointed that you guys are getting divorce and that we'll never be a family again. Sorry for acting like a big baby and crying all over the place. I know you guys love us and just not each other and that this divorce is so that you both can finally be happy. And really that's all I want for you to be happy the same way that all you want for us." Karen said once she finally stopped crying._

_To say Fitz was shocked would be an understatement he thought that he was at lease going have to spend the next couple of months trying to explain this to Karen. But to hear that she already understood it but just didn't want to believe it sadden him but was like a breath of relief all at the same time._

_"So are you saying that you're not mad about the divorce and you understand why it's happening? That you're only sad that because you never thought it would happen and you were holding hope that we would stay together?" Fitz asked slowly trying to get a better understanding of the turn of events._

_"Yeah dad it was just a lot to take in and I don't want for you to feel bad or anything. I know that you Gerry think I live in this fantasy world and don't realize what really happens around here. But I don't it just that no kid really wants for their parents to split up." Karen let out with a slight chuckle._

_"I can understand that but I need to know if you really mean that and believe that Karen. Because a minute ago you were upset that we were getting a divorce and ruining your life now you're okay with it." Fitz said rubbing his hands down his face his headache having returned at full force._

_Karen let out a laugh as she watched her dad. She could tell that she was frustrating him and confusing him. But instantly fault bad when she saw the effect that her little melt down had on him._

_"I'm sorry I'm confuses you dad and don't pay my melt down any attention. I never meant for you to feel guilty or bad. I knew that you and mom weren't going to last, I just didn't expect for the news to affect me that it did. But I promise you that I'm not mad at you are mom, I'm just sad that is happening and I probably will be for a while. But I know that this needs to happen and it's going to happen. I'm sorry for worrying you but I promise I'm okay."_

_"You don't have to apologize Karen. I knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation. I know it's an emotional time for you, I just want to be sure that you're okay."_

_"I'm fine daddy, really and I'll let you know if I'm not."_

_"I love you karebear and don't ever forget that." Fitz said pulling Karen into another bone crushing hug._

_"I love you too daddy." Karen replied with a small smile._

_Finally letting out a breath of relief Fitz stood up and exit the room but not before telling Karen he loves her again and to come down when she was ready for pizza and movies._

**Fitz's POV**

He had to laugh to himself, he had never felt so confused in his life after that first conversation with Karen. He didn't understand women and he realized that he never would. But as the days went on, he realize that she was telling the truth and while not completely happy with the idea of her parents getting divorce, she was okay with it and she truly did understand why it was happening. And he couldn't be more grateful his relationship with his kids was stronger than ever and in a few more weeks his divorce would be final. They only thing that would make this even more perfect is if him and Olivia were together.

Knowing that he gotten the other aspects of his life straighten out the only thing left to straighten out was his love life. And the only way that was going to happen is if he and Olivia were to get on the same page.

The only way that would happen is if he proved his love to her and earned for her back. With that thought in mind he picked up his and started composing his letter to Olivia.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz's letter to Olivia.

_Olivia,_

_I was really nervous when I didn't receive a letter back from you after the one I spent you. So you can imagine how happy I was when I got your letter, but that happy mood soon faded the more I read. And it would be a complete lie if I said that I wasn't disappointed when I finished it. I was completely crushed that you don't see us being together anymore but then I realized that you have the right to feel that and I respect that._

_With that being said I still love and want to be with you and I believe we are meant to be together and that it will happen whether it takes two months or two years. That's just how hopeful I am. How much I believe in me and you._

_You were well within your rights to feel the way that you do. I hurt you in one of the worst ways ever and I did it intentionally. And I will never stop apologizing for that because I am so very sorry, you don't hurt the people you love on purpose and I did that to you with no regards to or the effects that it would have on you. I was only thinking about myself and myself only._

_I realize that I have done that a lot when it comes to you and me. I become selfish and can only see my needs and wants. I never take into consideration your feelings or how my actions affect you. I did things that would make me happy and when you did things that you needed to be happy or at least have some sense of peace, I attacked you and made you feel guilty for taking care of yourself when I couldn't see past my own selfish needs to care for you and make sure you were getting what you needed._

_I will never be able to apologize enough for my actions but I do pray that you can forgive me one day. That you can give me another chances to prove to you that I love you and I only want you. You have never been and will never be a mistress or a whore. You are the love of my life. I want to start over with you. To date you and get to know you while you get to know me._

_Now don't get me wrong I don't want to forget our past mistakes. I want to remember them so we can learn from them, to make sure that I don't ever treat you like before. And make sure that sure that I never take you for granted again. Because when the time comes I want to get it right this time because I don't ever want to go without you again._

_Yes Olivia I do agree that we need to heal on our own before we can come together in any capacity at all. I do still want a relationship with you but first and far most I want to be friend first, I want to get to know you, the real you that most don't know. Then I want to woo you, to date you, to show you everything that you deserve._

_I hurt you and I will never forgive myself for causing you any type of pain. But I promise I will spend the rest of life trying to make it up to up. I love you Olivia and I always will love you. And hopefully one day you'll believe me when I say this to you._

_Fitz_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's POV

Olivia's POV

Olivia sat in her bedroom gazing out the window at the night sky. Thinking over the insanity that had become her life and probably always would be as long as she was in love with Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III.

Having had the time to some of her emotions in order she realized that she might have jumped the gun with saying that she didn't want him anymore because she would always want him. He was programmed in her heart in a way that no man had ever been before and probably would never have the chance too.

She's reread his previous and new letter on multiple occasions and the biting bitterness has been replaced with a deep seeded longing. She wants to forgive him but knows she's not there yet no matter how badly she wants to be.

His letter makes her feel guilty for feeling the way that she feels and not being able to just move past the hurt and forgive him. Although she knows that she will eventually forgive its pretty much a given.

Although yes she wants him to earn her, to prove his love to her, Olivia knows that it's a two-way street. She also has to do her part and prove herself to him. With this thought in mind she picks up her pen and starts writing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's letter to Fitz

_Fitz,_

_As you can imagine I was very hurt when I received your first letter, I really didn't know what to say to you so I waited. It never really became clear what to say to you, so I wrote what I had been feeling that entire month. I felt betrayed in the worst way. I was numb for the most part and when I wasn't numb the pain was unbearable. I've never been so miserable before Fitz and I never want to be that way again._

_I know my last letter might have sound as if I have no fault in our situation and I know just as well as you do, that's not the case. I came off as hypocritical and that was wrong and for that I apologize. I now realize that you did what you did because of my action. And although I know that my intentions towards you have never been with malice intend or to purposely hurt you. You didn't know that, did you?_

_All of my past action seems as if I didn't love you in your eyes, when in my eyes, I did what I did because of my love for you. I left because I loved you and it was slowly killing me. I don't think you know how hard it was to have you only to be remind that no, I didn't really have you. I know it was hard on you too, so I did what I thought was best for the both of us and yes, I should have talked to you beforehand. But I know just as well as you do that you never would have allowed for me to leave. And I really needed to leave Fitz. I hope you can understand that. I needed space so that I could keep surviving._

_Defiance happened because I don't think you would have survived if the result would have turned out differently. I know this is a conversation that we need to have face to face and believe me we will, I just needed to say this. It changed me the moment I agreed to it and I think it's still changing me till this day. It was never about not believing in you or not wanting to be with you because that was never the case. I would have never agreed to it if I didn't love you and you might not believe that and I can understand that but, it's the truth._

_I gave up so much of myself for you and it never seemed like enough. Like I just needed to give a little bit more and he would understand I love him. I gave so much of myself to be with you my self-worth, my dignity, my proud and morals so what was it to give my integrity too. Because if I do this, will he finally see that I love him no matter the cause it has on me. Will this one thing finally get him to love me the way I need to be loved, the way that I deserve? But it never happened so for once I did what was best for me and I stepped away before I broke beyond repair and for that I was punished._

_You told me that you loved me yet you slept with another woman and then lied to my face. You gave her the one thing you gave to me with no regards to me what so ever. Then you had me come and clean up your mess. I was faithful to you but you couldn't give me that same respect. And to add insult to injury you blame me for not being able to keep it in your pants. That I left like it made it okay. It was a slap in the face, you were saying that I should have been there to get you off and since I wasn't, you can't be held accountable for putting it in the first thing that was willing to put out._

_I hated you for the first time in my life because you cheated on me and then in the next breath had the nerve to be pissed that I was photographed with another man. But I shouldn't even be surprised you're a jealous man Fitzgerald, and you feel that I should cater to your insecurities when you don't do the same for me._

_I loved you for you faults included, but sometimes you made feel as if my faults made you reconsider your love for me. Like that you could only love me on your conditions and if I didn't follow them then you didn't love me. And that hurts and makes me question myself. You make me insecure in the worst way possible. I feel as if I'm not good enough for you most of the time. I think that you want to control me and that's a lousy feeling to have._

_Olivia_


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's letter to Fitz

_Fitz,_

_As you can see I have sent you two different letters this time, the one you read previously was written before I received your letter. I've been going through a lot of conflicting emotions lately. It's been hard telling up from down lately, I don't know if I'm coming or going most of the time. And you know that's hard for a person like me, I like to be in control. So you can probably imagine the struggle that I have been facing lately._

_I read your letters and think about the letters I have sent you and it feels like an out of body experience. And though it doesn't seem like it, I like to think that we are making progress. Now we are nowhere near the point of reconciliation but we are heading in that direction I think._

_I know that I previously said that I didn't see us ever being together again and at that point in time I didn't but Fitz I see it so clear now. I can see our future and I want it._

_You said that you want to win me and I would like that but also I want to win you back too. Fitz I want you to EARN ME but dammit I want to EARN YOU too. I want to woo you and give a reason as to why you should love me too. I need to prove myself to you too and I can't do that if I sit back and let you do all the work._

_All of the work should not be place on you, you were not the sole reason that we didn't work out the first time around. So why should you be the only one to put in the work to get us back together. That just doesn't seem fair, now does it?_

_Now I'm not going to apologize for feelings in my other letters but I will apologize if I hurt you in anyway. But also I want for you to stop apologize for your feeling too Fitz. We can apologize for our action and the way we treated on another, but we should never apologize for our feelings. We have the right the feel the way that we do but not the right to use those feeling and hurt the other._

_I miss you Fitzgerald so very much. I miss the little things. Like the little notes that you would leave for me on the campaign, the surprise lunches, and the late night phone calls. I miss the sound of your voice it's been so long since I've heard it and I miss it dearly. I miss looking into your eyes and seeing my home. I miss being in your arms. I miss the feel of your skin against mine. But the thing I miss the most is holding your hand. I just want to hold your hand._

_I've never told you this but I have always felt the safest when my hand was in yours. I felt protected and loved. I haven't felt that way in a long while though._

_Fitz I want to know all the small simple things about you just as much as I want to know the hard complex and complicated things. I want to be your friend, I always want to be your friend but I also want to be your lover too. I don't have to be your only friends but Fitz I want to be your only lover. I refuse to be the other woman this time around. I have to be the only woman or nothing at all Fitz. I need to be the only one or I want survive this time around. So I'm asking, begging, and pleading that you don't start something with me if I'm not going to be the only one._

_Olivia_


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz's POV

Fitz's POV

The dynamic in the White House had changed drastically since he fired Cyrus. There wasn't as much drama and things were running much smoother with his new chief of staff Spencer Washington. She had come in and within a day and half she had straighten out most of the mess that Cyrus had created.

He was skeptical at first when he hired her. Being used to dealing with Cyrus and his antics had him nervous that she would be just as bad as Cyrus if not worst. But he was pleasantly surprised that she professional to the utmost and she respected him. Spencer did what she was told without arguing with him, she didn't agree with something he said or did she respectfully gave her opinion and left it to him to decide what to do afterwards.

Fitz found that having a new chief of staff especially one that respected him made his everyday life easier. He wished that he would have fired Cyrus earlier.

And with the news that his divorce was final and he was free man. He didn't think that life could get any better. But it did when he received Olivia's letter, he couldn't help but smile. Life was finally starting to look up and he wouldn't have it any other way.

To say Fitz was relieved would be an understatement. He had been on cloud nine since he had received Olivia's letters. He shock that she sent him two but happy none the less. Her saying that she wanted to be with him still was the best news he had gotten since his divorce was finalized.

Knowing that she realized that they have both hurt each other and both need to prove themselves to the other, gives him peace of mind. The fact that she said she wanted to earn him too made him feel like he was worth something and that yes they would be better than they were before. That they were going to last.

Happy that they were finally on the same page Fitz picked up his pen and began his letter to Olivia planning to tell her about all the changes that had taken place in his life over the last few months.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz's letter to Olivia

_Olivia,_

_I was happy to receive your letters and I can completely understand where you were coming from. I hurt you and then in the next breath I asked if we could be together. It was too much way to soon. But I am overjoyed that you still want to be with me and want to work on us having a future together._

_Hitting on some of the points in your first letter, you were right I didn't realize that you did everything that you did because you love me. The only thing I could see was that I wanted you and wanted to have you close to me and the only thing you seemed to want was to be far away from me._

_I took that as you not loving me and lashed out at you and I was wrong to do that. I cheated on you and made it out to be your fault. It was not your fault. I take full responsibility for that. I miss you and had been drinking way more then I should have and she was there. I did it because I was mad at you and hurt that you left. But you have to believe that I never meant for you to clean up the mess that I made Cyrus made that decision and I didn't do my part to put a stop to it knowing that it would hurt you. I apologize to you for cheating on you but I also apologize for lying to you. I am truly sorry._

_Olivia it hurt me to my heart that you think that you aren't enough for me and that I want to control you. You are more than enough for sometimes I think that I'm not enough for you because I wasn't man enough to do what we both needed. The power was in my hands to make us both happy and I dropped the ball big time. I let you and myself down. I let you compromise yourself in order to make me feel better about myself. What type of man does that make me?_

_I don't want to control you Olivia I just want to be with you. I never realized that my behavior came off as controlling. I thought I was just showing how much I love you and wanted you around. But as I look back on what our relationship was and how it can to be can see how I was controlling and very selfish when it came to you. As long as I was I was happy I figured you must be happy too._

_I now know that is something I need to work on so I don't repeat that behavior again. I don't want to change you Olivia I love you the exactly the way that you are flaws and all. And I never want for you to feel like you need to be something that you're not in order for me to love you because that's just not true. I'm sorry for ever making you feel that way._

_I forgive you for defiance but I feel that's something that we still need to talk about in person._

_Now the second letter you sent me made me happy beyond belief. The fact that you still want us to be together and have a future is really the best news ever. That we are finally on the same place is wonderful. I'm glad that we are one step closer to getting it right._

_It actually felt good to know that you want to work just as hard as I do to get a health relationship going between us. It's nice knowing the all the pressure is not on me to make things work and to make them right. You wanting to earn me too, it shows me that you love me too and want for us to be equals in this relationship. Something that we weren't before, but will be from now on out equals._

_I want to tell you about the things that have been going on in my life these last few months. I made some changes that should have happened a long time ago. I fired Cyrus! Yes Olivia you read correctly I fired Cyrus and it was one of the best decisions that I have made. I realized that he didn't mean me any good. He wanted to be me he wanted my title when it wasn't his to have. I want to thank you for that Olivia, your first letter really opened my eyes to the problems around._

_My new chief of staff is Spence Washington and she is good at her job. She came in and fixed almost all of Cyrus' messes. She respects me and the fact that I am her BOSS. But most importantly she doesn't back talk and she treats the other staff members with respect. She knows her job and she does it nothing more nothing less._

_I also want you to know that the relationship between me and my kids has never been better. I actually get to spend time with them. I am extremely grateful for that. We have a family night every other Wednesday and movie night every Sunday. I get to eat dinner with my kids at least three to four times a week Liv and it means the world to them and me. We talk and tell each other about our days something that we never had before._

_Not only do we get to spend time together but we also have just quality time. Where me and Gerry play basketball or just talk about all the things that interest him. He told me that he wants to go the school for something simple computer science or mechanic. He wants a simple life out of the public and he was afraid that I would be mad that he didn't want to go into politics._

_I felt my heartbreak Liv he thought I would be disappoint if he didn't take the same route that I did. I told him I wouldn't care if he was a trash man as long as he was happy and it was good honest work he was doing I would always be proud of him. I think he believed me at first but think he's finally starting to see it._

_Now Karen and I have movie dates or we sit and talk about any and everything. She trying to get me to take dance lesson with her but I'm not much of dancer Liv, I've got two left feet and absolutely no rhythm its horrible truth be told. But she did talk me into baking with her. I like to think if I wasn't the President I could defiantly be a baker ha ha._

_Karen told me that she wants be a teacher and to open a non-profit organization. She won't tell me what for but I know either way it'll be amazing. She also said he didn't care if I didn't want for her to be a teacher or not she was going to be one anyways but my support wouldn't hurt. I told her I support her dreams and wouldn't ever try and make her something that would leave her being miserable._

_Liv I've got these wonder, amazing, caring kids and I almost missed it all because I was too stuck in my drama to have time for my kids. I'm ashamed that I didn't make the time for them before but never again. I never want to feel like they need something they don't want in order for me to be proud of them. I'm actually quite happy they want simple plain Jane lives, I never wanted politics for them and I'm glad they don't want it either._

_Wanna know something that nobody else knows about me? I wanted to be a doctor when I was growing up. I never wanted to be President or be a lawyer, I wanted to save lives. But I think most of all I wanted to be something my dad would be proud of and I knew a doctor would never be that. And the funny thing is I am the President and it still wasn't enough her him. What did you want to be when you were growing up Liv?_

_Now before I ended this the most important thing that has happened and I wanted to tell you. is that I am officially a DIVORCED MAN. I am no longer tied to Mellie, I'm free to be with whoever I want now and that person is you Olivia Carolyn Pope. I finally manned up and told her it was over. Time to stop playing games and do what we should have done a long time ago get a divorce. I let her no choice but to sign the papers or watch her world burn down around her._

_I got full custody of the kids too. Now I don't want you to think that I just did this because it's what you wanted and needed for me to do because I didn't do for those reasons alone. Yes they played a big part in it but not the only one. I did it for me because this is what I needed to be happy and this is what my kids needed to be happy. You being happy though is just a great and highly approved bonus._

_So Olivia you don't have to worry about Mellie anymore. Which means your worries about being the other woman or not valid although you never were the other woman. Olivia you will always be my one and only._

_Now because know you I know that earlier in the letter when I was talking about spending family time with Karen and Gerry you thought that I was including Mellie in there. Well rest your pretty little head Liv Mellie was not included and she has been living here since she signed the divorce paper. I just haven't let the word out to press yet because I wanted you to hear it from me first._

_Want to know something else nobody else knows about me. Ever since the moment I met you and show how you handle things. I always ask myself what would Olivia do in this situation. Especially with my divorce I thought about how you have handled it. That's how I was able to get it done so fast and keep it from the public eye. The same way I have been able to keep it in house that I have a new chief of staff. I handled everything Olivia Pope style. And I've come to realize that you're method is very thorough and has saved me a lot of headaches._

_I love you Olivia Carolyn Pope and I always will. I plan to spend the rest of my life with you. You're it for me even when you drive me half way up the wall and I'm so mad at you I just want to shake you. I still love you and everything about you._

_Fitz_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's POV

Olivia's POV

Shock was the only feeling that Olivia could register right now, pure plain old shock. Olivia couldn't believe that he had actually done it. He was a divorced man. He was single now and had done it without anyone being the wiser.

As the shock wore off she could finally feel some of the pressure release in her chest. It was a little bit easier to breathe now knowing that he was serious about them and totally committed to making them work. She was positive that he was going to wait until after his term as President was up before he divorced Mellie. But he showed her and she had never been happier to have been wrong.

Although she knew that he wasn't completely home free yet it was still a step in the right direction. And from the way things were looking when the time comes for them to finally have their chance at a real relationship, nothing will be standing in their way.

Olivia couldn't stop the laughter from coming when she thought about how Cyrus must have looked when Fitz fired him. What she wouldn't have given to have been a fly on the wall that day. She can't say that she's really surprise that he got rid of Cyrus, she knew from the moment she cleared up the Amanda mess for him that Cyrus was living on borrowed time.

Cyrus didn't know his place or when to stay in his own lane. He wanted to run the show and instead help keep the show running smoothly and that was and will always be his biggest downfall. And though she will always love Cyrus she doesn't really feel sorry for him. He made his bed now it's time for him to lay in it.

Olivia can't keep the grin off her face as she reads about his time with Karen and Gerry. Happy to know that despite everything that has gone wrong and that was not done when it came to his kids is being fixed. She knows how much they mean to him and that he was suffering a great deal from the lack of relationship between them. To know that he is fixing it and building it stronger and stronger each day gives her hope that it'll be like that one day with their kids.

Reading Fitz's letter has been the highlight of her day and filled her with great joy knowing that everything that was wrong is now righting itself. She can't help but to feel hopeful that their time to be together is closer than it ever was before.

She can't believe that he's finally letting her know the real person behind the man that she loves so dearly and she can't wait to see where this journey will take them, but she's more than ready for the ride.

She now knows that its time for them to finally come face to face and sort out the rest of their problems so they can finally have what they have always wanted… each other.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia's letter to Fitz.

_Fitz,_

_I can't begin to explain how happy I was after reading your letter. It made me so happy to know that you and the kids are rebuilding and strengthen your relationship with each other. I know how much they mean to you and how you struggled with the distance between you all. It makes happy that they want to lead normal lives away from the public eye. I know you want them as far away from politics as possible. So I can imagine how happy you are that they want the same._

_I can't really say that I was too shock that you got rid of Cyrus. It's been a long time coming. I just wish I could have been there for that conversation. Now don't get me wrong I love that old goat to the moon and back, but he's not the man that I once thought he was and that was a hard pill to swallow. So I know that it must have been devastating to have to come to the same conclusion that I have. He only had his best interest at heart and nobody else's._

_In the theme of being honest and truthful I can admit although with great difficulty I am jealous of your new chief of staff. They way that you talk about her in your letter leaves little to be desired. I know that there is nothing romantic going on between you two, but it's still hard to hear you talk about another woman in the way that you did. It makes me feel like it just another person in your life that I have to fight off to keep your attention on me. I know I'm being silly but I can't help the way I feel._

_Now on to happier things, I was surprised to learn that you actually divorced Mellie. Somewhere in the back of my head I always figured that I would always have to share you with her. I thought that you would never divorce her so imagine my surprise when I read that you had. I am beyond elated that now you and I can have a real chance at being together without having to worry about it being wrong or it being considered cheating._

_Also I want to say thank you for letting me be the first person to know. Even though you didn't have to do that because it had nothing to do with me, you still put me first. And for that I am grateful._

_Here's a little known fact about me since you shares some of yours. I wanted to be a teacher when I was younger. I can still remember lining up all of my dolls and stuffed animals and pretending that I was the teacher. I like to think that if my mom hadn't died that I would have become a teacher. And for a little while after that I decided that I wanted to be a nurse. Because I may not have been able to help my mother but I would have been able to save someone else's._

_I can understand wanting to make your father proud. Because I did the same thing as you I went into a field that I had no desire to be in so that my father would love me and be proud of me. But I like to think that everything happens for a reason. If we wouldn't have taken the paths that we did we wouldn't know each other and I'm sorry but that's not a risk that I'm willing to take._

_Want to know something else that I haven't shared with anyone else. I don't want to be a fixer anymore. I'm tired of fixing everyone else's problems and not being able to fix my own. I feel stuck in my life right now. I'm seriously thinking of closing OPA and going back to school. I don't want to be in politics anymore Fitz. I'm tired of this world it's nothing but lies and scandals and I no longer want to be a part of that._

_If I'm really being honest I no longer want to be in the DC area. I want to move to a small town where nobody knows my name and lead a normal life. I want to open up my own bakery. Silly right considering I can't cook huh? Well guess what over the last couple of months I have learned that while my cooking skills maybe lacking my baking skills are on point. But most importantly it makes me happy Fitz and not a lot has done that lately._

_Don't get me wrong yes I want to leave DC behind and start over somewhere new but I want you right by my side. I know that realistically there is nowhere that you can go where people won't know who you are but a girl can dream can't she. Small town living doesn't sound so bad does? Being away from all the press and politics and just not having to deal with big city living anymore._

_Now because I know you I know that you are panicking at this moment thinking that I'm getting ready to move away. Well don't worry your pretty little head darling. I'm not going anywhere just yet. But with that said I will be closing OPA and you are the first to know. But don't worry I don't plan on moving away anytime soon but don't get wrong I do plan on moving. And when I do you will be the first to know._

_I miss you Fitzgerald, in a way that I have never missed anyone before. I think that I am finally ready to have that face to face conversation with you now. It's time to get everything out in the open and to move forward._

_I can't wait to for what the future holds for us._

_Olivia_


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz and Olivia finally meet face to face.

The tension in the room was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. It was obvious that both parties were nervous and didn't know what to say to the other.

To say that Fitz was scared would be an understatement. He didn't know what to do with himself. He was so excited to be in Olivia's presences again that he was panicking. He wanted everything to go right but knowing one wrong word and tempers would be flying. And all of the progress they've made so far would be gone. That was the last thing he wanted.

Olivia wasn't fairing much better. She had the overwhelming feeling that she was going to be sick. She was starting to rethink this whole situation. Maybe she wasn't as ready for this as she thought she was. The only thing she wanted to do right now was have a larger glass or maybe the whole bottle of wine. Taking a deep breath Olivia finally turns around and takes a good look at Fitz. She can't help the small smile that plays on her lips as all of the nervous energy she was feeling a moment ago slowly fades away as their eyes connect. It feels like everything rights itself in the world at that moment.

"Hi."

"Hi." Olivia speaks in a barely heard whisper forgetting why she was nervous in the first place.

Fitz slowly makes his way over to Olivia all of his previous fears vanishing as a feeling of total bliss takes hold. He feels completely calm now and any doubts he had no longer holds any weight.

"I've missed you so much. And all I have been wanting since we have been back in contact with each other is be in the same room as you but now that we're here I'm completely unsure of what to say or do. " Fitz softly explains to Olivia.

"I know exactly what you mean, it's like all I've been thinking about and wanting but now that's its happening I would rather be anywhere but here. Because you're scared you're going to say or do the wrong thing and any progress that we've made so far will completely vanish and we'll never have another chance at this again."

"Yeah that exactly how it feels but even though you want to be somewhere else, you would still rather be here in this situation than not being in the same space with each other."

Olivia briefly looks down before offering Fitz a shy and timid smile. Unsure of what to say next she takes a steps away from him looking down once more before taking a seat in the chair in the fair left corner of the room.

All the while Fitz watches her with a small amused grin on his face as he realizes what she's doing. He can't help but to chuckle to himself at how cute she's being. He has never seen her shy or timid before and it shows him just how much has changed since the last time they shared a space together but also that not much has really changed either and for that he's thankful.

Fitz takes a seat in the center of the room and turns to face her. While waiting for the other to break the awkward silence that has descended upon the room.

"So I guess now would be the perfect time to get everything out in the open." Olivia states slowly after a few seconds have passed.

"Okay. What do you want to start with first?" Fitz asks slowly after Olivia stops speaking.

"Why don't we start from the moment after I quit and work our way up?" States Olivia with an uncertain quality to her voice.

"Sounds like a plan. Do you want me to start first or you?" Fitz said agreeing with the plan that Olivia had suggested.

"You can go first." Olivia replies wanting to gather her thoughts and emotion before it's her turn to speak.

"Okay I'll start then. When I first got your letter and realized that you had quit. I was beyond pissed. But more than anything I was hurt. Hurt that you just up and left and didn't even have the decency to say that you were leaving or goodbye in person.

You told me that you were leaving in a letter. A letter for heaven sakes Olivia I felt like I deserved better than that. You should have told me face to face, not in a letter of resignation. We were in a relationship and I thought I meant more to you than that and it was like a slap in the slap. You ended things with me in the most impersonal way ever Olivia. Wasn't I worth more to you than a dear john letter?" Fitz states feeling all of those old feelings start to resurface. he takes a deep breath before slowing releasing it.

Olivia stares at him for a moment after he finishes talking finally realizing the pain that she caused him when she left her position in the white house. And ultimately leaving him without talking to him first as the shame and guilt start to tenfold.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you Fitz, it was never my intention in any way to ever cause you any pain. It was foolish of me to think that my actions wouldn't hurt you in any capacity at all. Yes, I realize now that I should have gone about that situation in an entirely different manner. But at the time I felt like I was drowning fast and leaving and opening OPA was the life preservative that I needed.

I loved you so much Fitz that it was slowly killing me. My whole world resolved around you and I was barely keeping afloat. You were so happy to be president and have me working so close to you that it didn't raise any suspicions that we were constantly together. I didn't want to ruin your happiness so I never said anything. Which was my mistake, but I was completely miserable Fitz.

I was so unhappy that I needed to get away from it all. While you had everything that you wanted I was left with nothing but a small glimpse of what it could be it. Only to be reminded every day that I was only your employee and Mellie was your wife. I was absolutely nothing because I was nothing more than the mistress.

Yes, I agree hundred percent that I should have talked to you about the way I was feeling. Instead I let everything build up until I was at the point of no return. I chose to leave the way that I did because I knew that you wouldn't have let me leave because you wouldn't have understood. If I would have told you that I was unhappy you would have taken it as a personal insult against you when it wasn't.

I was never unhappy with you Fitz, I was unhappy with the situation and that's something that you could never understand.

Olivia looks away from Fitz taking a deep breath before continuing.

As I look back on it now I wish that I would have handled the situation better. I should have talked to you and given you the opportunity to have a say in the whole thing. It would have saved us a whole lot of tears and heartache.

I'm sorry for the way that I left and for taking away your right to have a say in our relationship but I'm not sorry for leaving because it saved me in a way that staying never would have. And I can't apologize for doing what was right for me, only for hurting you in the process."

Olivia finishes as she finally looks back up at Fitz still slightly avoiding eye contact.

Fitz takes in everything that Olivia says and while he may not completely agree with her he knows that she has made some valid points. He starts talking again once Olivia finally makes eye contact again.

"I appreciate the fact that you apologized and that you realize the mistakes that you made. Thank you. While I don't agree with everything that you did and the way you did it I can understand why you did it.

Because you were right I wouldn't have understood if you would have told me you weren't happy. I would have taken it the wrong way. I was so far lost in my world and what I wanted that I didn't realize I was hurting you in the process of getting my happy ending.

I apologize for that and for not taking your needs into consideration. No I wouldn't have let you leave if you had told me that you wanted to, I would have just tried to talk you into staying because I didn't want you away from me. Even though I was mad at the fact that you decided things for us without involving me, I realized that I was doing the same thing when I offered you that job and wouldn't take no for an answer."

Fitz said with a shake of his head at himself for not having realized all if this sooner.

"Thank you for apologizing and understanding my reasoning for leaving it really means a lot to me." States Olivia offering him a small smile. Relieved at the fact the conversation has remained civil so far.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuance of the face to face

"I guess that the next thing that we should discuss is the aftermath of when left. I'll start first if it's okay with you?"

Fitz's only response is a small nod of his head having been dreading the conversation leading up to this point.

"When I first left I was in a bad head space. I knew that I loved you without a shadow of a doubt but I also hated you in a way.

I couldn't understand how the man that I loved and claimed to love me could be fine with me being the other woman and how I had let myself become some man's mistress. I hated myself with a burning passion of a thousand suns.

I felt disrespected, cheated, and used and the sad part about it was that I had willingly let it happen. I didn't know who I was anymore so I did the only thing I knew how, I threw myself head first in Olivia Pope & Associates because it was the only time where I didn't think about my problems because I was too busy worrying about somebody else's.

That's the reason why OPA became successful so fast because I placed all of my heartache and energy into the company, I lived, slept, and ate OPA. Now don't get me wrong I wasn't by no means happy, I had yet to fix the things that were wrong with in the first. I just pretended that they didn't exist.

So imagine my surprise when Cyrus called me and told me you needed my help. I was shocked and scared out of my mind I thought you hated me because of the way I left you but then I saw you for the first time in months I knew that it didn't matter because you were so happy to see me that all of the uncertainties faded away and I felt lighter then I had in months. I was actually happy or I was until Cyrus opened his mouth.

My heart broke when he said that you sleep with an aid and she was going to the press. It was like in the moment everything you had ever told me became a lie and I left so foolish for having believed you to start with.

And I think what hurts the most was the fact that you looked me dead in the eye and lied to my face. Then in the next breath told me it was fault once you caught. You bullied me into doing what you wanted when you thought I was entertaining another man but it was okay for you have relations with an aid. How hypocritical of you was that?

I have never hated someone as much as hated you in that moment. I hated that you had the power to make me second guess myself although I knew from the moment Cyrus said it that it was true and the fact that I still believed in you when you said you never had any sexual contact with her says lot. Wouldn't you say?" Olivia asks in a bitter tone that hurt clearly heard in the undertones of her voice and showing just as clearly on her face.

Fitz knew this was coming but it still hurts him to see the pain that he caused her with whole Amanda Tanner fiasco.

"I never meant to hurt you Olivia. Amanda Tanner should have never happened.

Fitz states and winces when he see how hard Olivia flinched at the mention of her name scolding himself for using it after he realizes that she never once used the name while she was talking.

After you left I started to drink quite frequently and heavy. Now I don't want you to blame yourself for that because it wasn't your fault I could have handled the situation in a better way than I did.

Instead of massing and numbing the pain with alcohol I could have talked to you but instead I decided to drink the pain away and that's on nobody but me. I took the easy way out instead of fighting through the pain and trying to fix what went wrong.

I let my bitterness take hold of me and I ruin a lot of relationship and it cost me a lot of things that I hold dear to me as well it nearly caused me to lose my children. And that's not your fault in any shape, form, or fashion. That is my burden to bear.

I take full responsibility for that situation that transpired between her and me. I knew that she wanted something to happen between us and I never put a stop to it when I could have. I should have fired her the first time she crossed the line but instead I pretended not to notice.

I never had intercourse with her it was only oral and it only happened once. I was completely drunk out my head, which is in no way excuses what I did. And she should never been in the office with me as far as I was concerned everyone gone for the night.

I didn't even know what was happening until I felt her lips around my length. I thought I was dreaming and before I knew it I was calling out sweet baby before I realized that it was real and it wasn't you.

I immediately put her out and I hadn't picked up a drink since then. I know this is hard to hear and it does really change anything but I am so sorry that I did that to you and caused you any pain.

I was so digested with myself that I let someone who wasn't you be able to get that close to me.  
You have to believe me when I say that I never told Cyrus to call you to fix the mess that I had gotten myself into. I would have never done that to you and it was too late to stop it. I told him not to call you but when had he ever done anything that I've told him to.

I shouldn't have lied to you when asked me what happen I should have been truthful up front but I wasn't and only ended up damaging the relationship between us even more than it already had been."

By the time Fitz had stopped talking Olivia had tears in her eyes that she absolutely refused to let fall. She was beyond tired of crying over the Amanda Tanner situation. And just hearing that what she considered hers was in that sluts' mouth makes her red hot with rage.

She never wanted or needed to know that he had his dick in that whores' mouth or that he climaxed thinking it was her.

The anger and pain that she feels is just as real as it was the day that she found out and she doesn't think that it will change anytime soon. That will always be sore spot between the two of them.

Taking slow steadying breaths Olivia closes her eyes and counts to ten trying to relieve the pressure she feels building in her chest

"I never needed to know the details of what you did with her. And I have never wanted to know." Olivia let's out in a barely there whisper with her eyes still closed.

If Fitz hadn't been watching her the entire time he would have never heard what was said. And he feels like an even bigger asshole for telling her the details of what actually happened fully understanding the pain she feels because he never wants to hear the details of her and another man.

"I'm so sorry Olivia. I should have just left it at the no intercourse instead if continuing on." He apologizes after realizing his mistakes and what it's doing to her. Knowing full well that she'll never be able to get that visual out of her head no matter how hard she tries.

"I don't even know what to say. I feel betrayed all over again but do I really have the right to feel that away? I mean I left you but in my mind we were still a couple. When it was so obvious you didn't see it that away. The fool I've been when it comes to you my dear. My heart still hurts at the thought of you so easily giving away what you gave me. And the fact that she didn't even matter just adds salt to the wound.

I'm happy that you stopped drinking. I just only wished that it could have happened before it led to those events.

Sorry doesn't ease the hurt that I feel, it doesn't erase the images or the fact that I had to clean up the mess. That I had to listen to another woman tell me intimate details about the man I loved or how he called her something that I held so dear to my heart but I forgive you even if the pain still exists I forgive you.

But please know I detest the name sweet baby because the meaning just doesn't hold mean same weight anymore. It's like a steak to heart now every time you call me that now. So please don't do that anymore." Olivia declares after finally losing the battle as a few tears escape down her face.

"I won't I promise I won't ever call you that again if you don't want me." Fitz reassures her not knowing how to make the situation any better as she wipes any traces of the tears from her face.

Olivia only offering a sad smile in return as she desperately tries to get a hold of her emotions, wishing to be done with this subject completely.

"I don't think there's anything left to say on this matter anymore. As much we both wish that it wouldn't have happened, it did and the only thing we can do is move on."


End file.
